Select Page

Wives in Islam

by | May 23, 2021

Last week, we discussed about mothers in depth, but what about wives? They have their place too, right!?! Let’s just start with:

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.

Surah Ar-Rum (30 – 21)

Therefore, the link of a wedded couple is of love, mercy, and tranquility.

As for what the prophet had to say:

Thawban said: “When the Verse concerning silver and gold was revealed, they said: ‘What kind of wealth should we acquire?’ Umar said: ‘I will tell you about that.’ So he rode on his camel and caught up with the Prophet, and I followed him. He said: ‘O Messenger of Allah what kind of wealth should we acquire?’ He said: ‘Let one of you acquire a thankful heart, a tongue that remembers Allah and a believing wife who will help him with regard to the Hereafter.’ ”

Sunan Ibn Majah, The Chapters on Marriage, Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1856.

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace, and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever Allah provides with a righteous wife, then Allah has assisted him in half of his religion. Let him fear Allah regarding the second half.”

Al-Mu’jam Al-Awsat, Al-Tabari, 992 (translated from Arabic).

the Prophet said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.”

Sunan ibn Majah, The Chapters on Marriage, Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1977.

As for the choice of wife, this is what the prophet gave as advice:

The Prophet said: “Indeed the woman is married for her religion, her wealth, and her beauty, so take the one with religion, and may your hands be dusty.” (the last part is a kind of damnation if you do not follow this advice, not commonly used anymore in Arabic)

Jami Al-Tirmidhi, The Book on Marriage, Vol. 2, Book 6, Hadith 1086.

No kidding, two of the most beautiful stories I have ever heard had to do with this subject. Of course, there has to be a little romance involved, which makes it all the more beautiful. For, instance, the following story.

It is narrated that in the first century after the Prophet Muhammad, there lived a pious man who constantly looked for knowledge and used to give all his time to this cause but he was poor. One day he left home due to his extreme hunger since he had found nothing to eat at home and so he ended up heading towards one of the gardens on the roadside. This garden was full of apple trees and one of which had a few of its branches hanging outside the fence on the roadside. His inner self started whispering to him to eat an apple to remove his hunger and that no one would see him. After all, the apple garden wouldn’t be affected by the absence of only one apple. He plucked an apple and sat down to eat it until his hunger disappeared. But when he went back home, his consciousness started aching him and he started to ask himself how he could do such a thing. Sitting down, he started asking himself how he could eat an apple which belongs to another Muslim and yet he never asked his permission before plucking it. Neither had he asked the owner for his forgiveness. Getting up the next morning, he headed outdoor in search of this garden’s owner until he found him. This young man then told the owner:

“Uncle, yesterday extreme hunger got great hold of me and I ate an apple from your garden without you knowing and today I have come to ask for your permission for having taken it.”

The owner replied:

“By Allah, I will not forgive you. In fact, I am angry from you until the Day of Judgement where I will complain to Allah about you.”

The young lad then started pleading to him to forgive him and that he was ready to do anything for him on condition that he forgives him and makes him clean of sins again through this forgiveness. He continued pleading and the owner refuses and grows more and more stubborn insisting on his point. Leaving the garden, the young lad followed at his heels pleading that he change his mind until finally this owner arrived at his own home, entered and closed the door. The young lad remained waiting by the door in anticipation of seeing him once again when afternoon prayer would come when he had to leave for prayers. When at last, the owner came out, he found the lad still standing outside the door with tears streaming down his beard making his face gleam with more faith and knowledge which had already previously prevailed on his face.

The lad:

“Uncle, I am ready to work as a gardener in this garden of yours without a salary the whole of my life or any other thing you wish me to carry out for you on condition that you forgive me.”

At this moment, the garden owner stopped to think for a while and then said: “Son, I am ready to forgive you now but on one condition….”

The lad got so happy and his face once again got filled with joy and he replied:

“Give me any condition you wish, uncle.”

The owner:

“My only condition is that you marry my daughter!!!”

The lad was shocked from this condition, got stunned and couldn’t understand this condition. The owner continued:

“But son… you must know that my daughter is blind, deaf and does not speak. She doesn’t walk either and is always seated. For a long time now, I have been searching for a husband for her whom I can trust to take care of her and accept her as she is with all her features which I mentioned to you. I will forgive you only if you accept to marry her.”

The lad was once again shocked with this second disaster. He then started thinking how he would be able to live with such a burden especially that he was still young and on his first steps in his career life. How could she take care of him and look after his house when she had such defects?

He then started telling himself:

“Have patience regarding her and at least get saved from the Hereafter’s punishment which this apple would cause you.”

He then looked towards the owner and said:

“Uncle, I have accepted your daughter and I ask Allah to reward me well for my intention and that He rewards me with something better than what He inflicted me with.”

The owner replies:

“Well then son, your date is next Thursday at my place for the celebration of your marriage and I will be responsible of her wedding gift.”

When Thursday came, this young lad came walking with heavy steps, full of sorrow, with a broken heart unlike any other groom on his wedding day. When he knocked on the door, her father opened the door and let him in. After they had sat and talked a bit, the bride’s father told the lad:

“Please feel free to enter the room where your bride is seated, and may Allah place His blessings on you both and around you both. May He bring onto both of you all goodness and mercy.”

He then took him by his hand and led him to the room where his daughter sat waiting. When he opened the door and looked inside, the lad found seated a girl whose face was whiter than the moon and whose hair hang loosely on her shoulders like silk. She then got up and walked towards him with her shoulders stretched outwards and told him:

“Assalamu ‘Alaykum my husband.”

Standing in his place, the lad stood staring at her as if he was in front of a lady of Paradise. He couldn’t believe his eyes and just didn’t know what had happened or why her father had said such bad things about her. She at once understood what was going through his mind and at once went nearer to him, held his hand and kissed it saying:

“I am blind from looking towards forbidden things and I am deaf from listening to forbidden talk and I am unable to speak about forbidden things. My feet too do not walk towards what is forbidden… I am the only child of my father and for a couple of years now, he has been searching for a good pious husband for me. So when you came to him asking his permission for an apple and weeping for its sake, he told me: ‘Whoever fears from eating an apple for which he hasn’t asked permission for acquiring, then he will surely look after my daughter and fear Allah in treating her badly’. So congratulations to me for having you as a husband and congratulations to my father for having you as his son-in-law.” Eventually, the couple would be blessed with a son named Nu’man; more commonly known as the great Muslim scholar imam Abu Hanifa.

There is also the story of the daughter of the milk lady

One evening, when the Caliph Umar Ibn Al-Khattab was making his nightly round to see the condition of his people, he heard a woman say to her daughter, “Get up and mix water with the milk we are going to sell.

“Mother,” replied the girl, “are you not aware of what Umar has said about this?

– What did he say?

– He said that Prophet Muhammad said, “He who cheats us is not among us. “

– My dear! Do what I tell you, because you are in a place where Umar does not see you.

– Mother! If Umar does not see what we are doing, the Lord of Umar sees what we are doing. By Allah, I find it unacceptable to obey my Lord in public and disobey Him when I am alone. “

Umar immediately returned to his house and spoke to his sons and said: “Which of you is ready to marry the daughter of the milk lady; and if none of you are ready, I will. One must not miss such an opportunity. As a matter of fact, one of his sons, ‘Asim, proposed and married her.

As for their descendance, they were blessed with a daughter named Layla, who married a man named Abdulaziz. They too were blessed, with a son they called Umar; Umar ibn Abdulaziz. He eventually became Caliph, while other Caliphs of the Ummayad dynasty reveled in luxury, Umar bin Abdulaziz upheld standards of justice and austerity in government that reminded the people of the time of his great grandfather; the second rightly guided Caliph; Umar ibn Al-Khattab.

When one is blessed with a righteous companion, Allah often blesses the offspring too; sometimes for multiple generations.

Is there Anything Bad in the Quran? – Existential Questions

Is there Anything Bad in the Quran? – Existential Questions

When I mean bad, I mean something that everyone will agree to as fundamentally wrong. I don’t mean what is acceptable to modern standards, but fundamentally evil. Not only there is no evil within what is ordained, but it can only be depicted as righteous and good when looked at as a whole. Here are some Islamic principles that are listed in the Quran:

Say, “Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited to you. [He commands] that you not associate anything with Him, and to parents, good treatment, and do not kill your children out of poverty; We will provide for you and them. And do not approach immoralities – what is apparent of them and what is concealed. And do not kill the soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed] except by [legal] right. This has He instructed you that you may use reason.”

And do not approach the orphan’s property except in a way that is best until he reaches maturity. And give full measure and weight in justice. We do not charge any soul except [with that within] its capacity. And when you testify, be just, even if [it concerns] a near relative. And the covenant of Allah fulfill. This has He instructed you that you may remember.

And, [moreover], this is My path, which is straight, so follow it; and do not follow [other] ways, for you will be separated from His way. This has He instructed you that you may become righteous.

Surah Al-Anam (6 – 151-153)

Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct and giving to relatives and forbids immorality and bad conduct and oppression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded.

Surah An-Nahl (16 – 90)

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.

And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.”

Your Lord is most knowing of what is within yourselves. If you should be righteous [in intention] – then indeed He is ever, to the often returning [to Him], Forgiving.

And give the relative his right, and [also] the poor and the traveler, and do not spend wastefully.

Indeed, the wasteful are brothers of the devils, and ever has Satan been to his Lord ungrateful.

And if you [must] turn away from the needy awaiting mercy from your Lord which you expect, then speak to them a gentle word.

And do not make your hand [as] chained to your neck or extend it completely and [thereby] become blamed and insolvent.

Indeed, your Lord extends provision for whom He wills and restricts [it]. Indeed He is ever, concerning His servants, Acquainted and Seeing.

And do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Indeed, their killing is ever a great sin.

And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.

And do not kill the soul which Allah has forbidden, except by right. And whoever is killed unjustly – We have given his heir authority, but let him not exceed limits in [the matter of] taking life. Indeed, he has been supported [by the law].

And do not approach the property of an orphan, except in the way that is best, until he reaches maturity. And fulfill [every] commitment. Indeed, the commitment is ever [that about which one will be] questioned.

And give full measure when you measure, and weigh with an even balance. That is the best [way] and best in result.

And do not pursue that of which you have no knowledge. Indeed, the hearing, the sight and the heart – about all those [one] will be questioned.

And do not walk upon the earth exultantly. Indeed, you will never tear the earth [apart], and you will never reach the mountains in height.

All that – its evil is ever, in the sight of your Lord, detested.

That is from what your Lord has revealed to you, [O Muhammad], of wisdom. And, [O mankind], do not make [as equal] with Allah another deity, lest you be thrown into Hell, blamed and banished.

Surah Al-Isra (17 – 23-39)

Most of the accusations come from people who do not agree with the standard of morality or virtue that is ordained in Islam. For instance, the Hijab for women; not being allowed to have a sip of wine or not even having a girlfriend… These practices have become customary in “modern” civilizations, yet they are considered illicit in Islam. Society is always faced with dumbing down standards and laws to curtail the desires of the majority. But the fundamental question remains; what makes it right now but made it wrong before (and vice versa)? This type of thinking induces decadence. Virtues and morals become trivial, unattainable utopias, unrealistic… mockeries.

This was the same discourse used by the people of Lot thousands of years ago when they wanted him and his family out of their city.

But the answer of his people was only that they said, “Evict them from your city! Indeed, they are men who keep themselves pure.”

Surah Al-Aaraf (7 – 82)

Wow! Accused of being too pure… It’s like someone who says: “Ah! He gets on my nerves because he is too polite.” or: “look at her; she thinks she is so superior! She doesn’t even want to dress like us.” and the classic: “Look at that geek; he thinks that his A+ is going to stop him from that face pounding.” What is it that makes that person’s conduct wrong in the first place; what did he do to deserve this reprimand? Is it high self-esteem (or lack of it)? Is it because a person is different (where his difference is not accepted)? Is it because of jealousy (or more likely envy)?

It is sad to see that we have reached a point where righteous conduct is ridiculed and marginalized. Someone who gives his seat on the bus is looked at awkwardly; a student who says Mam and Sir is called a suck-up; a 16-year-old virgin is made fun of. But, as we have seen, this attitude has been present for millennia, all depending on the context and stage in which a society is to be found.

But in the end…

And it will be said to those who feared Allah, “What did your Lord send down?” They will say, “[That which is] good.” For those who do good in this world is good; and the home of the Hereafter is better. And how excellent is the home of the righteous –

Surah An-Nahl (16 – 30)


the process of belief